Stay Where You Are Then Leave
by milk-kun
Summary: "You promised Gray! You promised Gray you'd be there!" This is story about an Ice Mage and a Dragon Slayer. It's about love and gunshots, loss and letters from far away. It's about lies. Secrets. Survival.
1. Send Me Away With A Smile

Every night, as he was going to sleep, Gray Fullbuter forced himself to remember the days before the war began. But with every passing second, Gray felt it seemingly harder to blow the mist away from his memories.

The battle had begun on the15th August 3014. Most of his old friends and most adults wouldn't have remembered hat date as clearly - but Gray did. He would never forget it for that was his birthday. His 17th to be exact. Two of the Guild's members had thrown a party to celebrate. The only thin was, only a handful of people actually had the strength to be happy: Juvia, who had alreadybeen banished for getting to close to Gray, Lucy, one of the people to orgonised it, his close friend Loke, who wasn't properly in the Guild anymore, and Mira-Jane, the other persin who orgonised it. Everybody in Fairy Tail knew about it but all that morning, in teams, they came up to Mira or Lucy, telling them that they couldn't come.

"Nobody should be celebrating anything today, " Erza stated coldly. She, along wih Natsu and Lucy, were in Team Natsu with him. Also she'd, out of all people, would do anything for a slice of cake ( preferably strawberry). "It's best if you just would cancel it, Lucy."

"We're not cancelling anything!" Lucy finally announced after the fifth team told her the same thing. "We should be trying to be happy today if anything," She stared down angrily at the perfectly laid out table of food, "What am I going to do with all his food if no one shows up?!" Gray looked at her and shrugged - he didn't want it.

"I'll eat it!" A little voice piped up. Lucy looked unimpressedly down at Happy.

"I think we're fine on eaters right now thanks Happy." She said.

"But you jsut said!"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID!" And with that she urshered him away.

Mira sighed,We should be having a good time today. Not-" She paused to look around at everyone, "_This_."

When Natsu came back from a S-Class Quest at lunch that day, he didn't look his normal self. Instead of his usual: 'I-don't-know-what-the-Hell-is-going-on-but-I'm-just-going-to-smile' face, he had a concerned one on. He ran over to Gray and sat next to him, "HHey Gray!" He grinned. Gray gave him a small smile.

"Hi, Flame-Brain."

Happy Birthday~" He smiled, "How old are ya now? 5?" He joked. Natsu was always teasing Gray about how he was older than him and how Gray was still too young to be a S-Class wizard.

A/N: IN THIS YOU HAVE TO BE A CERTAIN AGE BEFORE BECOMING A S-CLASS WIZARD.

"_17._" He shot Natsu a look then he fixed his eyes on his practically empty plate in front of him.

"...12 years...?" Natsu stared at the wall for a second. Then he laughed, "Only 1w years?! Seems a whole lot longer than that! Pahhhahaha!" Gray looked at him and smiled. It seemed longer to him as well. Longer then he'dhe'd actually known Natsu for anyway.

"Go away guys! UNLESS YOU'RE EATING SOMETHING THEN LEAVE!" Lucy roared at them then Mira urshered them away. Lucy always did that - she hated when people crowded their eating space when they weren't eating. And so Natsu and Gray did as they were told, discussing something very heatedly as they left.

"It's not fair." Natsu stated.

"What isn't?"

"You were eatin' and," He sighed.

"What?"

"And it's your birthday - nearly your 18th!"

"So?"

''She needs to treat you with respect!" He glared.

"You don't. "

"I'm allowed to."

"Why?"

'''Cause. Well because,'' Natsu hesitated, "You like me." Gray stared at him. ''AS A FRIEND I MEAN!" Natsu clarified, even though he didn't actually mean it.

Gray smiled to himself - he would have meant it the other way as well. Erza had found about it a few weeks back and he couldn't stop worrying about it. She had said that she'd never tell another soul for as long as she lived. Which, with Natsu saying that, proved one thing: Erza wouldn't tell.

Despite the disappoin9ting turn out for his party, Gray tried not too mind too much. He sensed something was going on in the real world which involved Fairy Tail - or any magic guilds which all the S-Class wizards were talking about. There had been talk about for months. But all the wizards who weren't S-Class 'weren't allowed to know'. Sometimes Natsu would tell Mira and Lucy that it was going to happen any day now; that Fairy Tail had to be prepared. And sometimes, when Lucy or Mira started crying, he said:

''There's nothin' to worry about! Everythin''s gonna be fine in he end!"

Then he'd go on to say how Fairy Tail is too cool for that sh*t that no one could possibly hope to win.

When the party started, every S-Class wizard pretended it was like any other birthday Gray had. They played a few magical games until Gray got bored like a couple others. After they did, Natsu, Erza, Mira and Guildarts stopped speaking to the others and huddled together in a corner with glum expressions plastered on their faces. In fact, Natsu was the only one who looked a tiny bit happy.

Gray sat down stared at them slightly. He tried to lip read what they were saying and got a few words out. Lucy sat down next to him and followed his gazed. She tried doing the same but didn't get much out.

''You're better off signing up before they call you, you know,'' Mira said, ''They'll go easy on you I the end - mark my words."

''Oh be quiet,'' Snapped Erza, who never warmed to Mira because of their childhood. She was a quite short woman with red hair flowing down to her wast. ''Natsu's not signing up for anything - he promised Gray."

"I might have to, Erza." He said, shaking his head.

''Quiet - not in front of Gray." Guildarts said quickly - noticing Gray was watching.

'I'm just saying that this shit could run for years and years. I might have a better chance if I volunteer now. That's all."

''No, it'll be over by Christmas," Said Erza, glaring at Natsu.

''That's just what everyone's saying. "

"Shut it. Not in front of Gray." Guildarts hissed.

"We're finished, we're all finished." Cried Mira-Jane, taking a huge tissue and wiping her eyes with it. Lucy sniggered. Erza didn't find it quite as amusing as she and turned and ran out of the room. Natsu followed her - trying to cheer her up.

More than four had passed since that day but Gray still thoght about it all the time . He was 22 years old now but nobody was allowed to join their 'army' type thing anymore. When he was going to sleep at night, he tried his bet to pull together what he remembered of his guild before they changed. Because if he remembered them the way they were, there'd hopefully be a chance they could go back to being like it.

Erza and Natsu had just turned 20 when they'd first joined the S-Class wizardry - he knew that much. Natsu had protested when he got it and Gray didn't. He had said:

"Gray deserves this more than anyone else in this room"

He had kept going on about it until the master made a comprise. He had said that Gray was to be an S-Class wizard when he was 18 in stead of 20. When he was 15 he thought that it would take an age before he would turn 18 but now it seemed more of an age when he turned 17. Sometimes he found himself wishing that he was 15 or 16 again, but he always stopped himself because he said wishes never come true. One time he'd even caught himself writing down a tally on a peice of paper of how long ago it was. He had thrown that paper away but the memory still remained.

His 17th birthday was both a happy and sad one. It was a happy one because he got to see a few people smile for the last time and they gave him a couple of good presents. Lucy had told him that they needed to smile as much as they possibly could today because of the way the S-Class wizaeds put it, they wouldn't have much reason to tomorrow. Gray had thought about this but didn't want to dwell on it too much because, as Lucy said, there'd be more time for dwelling tomorrow. Juvia had given him a card shaped like a love heart and a kiss on his cheek whic he wiped off. The card had been burnt ages ago but he never said anything about it to Juvia. Natsu had forgotten to get Gray something but he didn't mind. Natsu just making back from a quest was a good enough present for him. Instead Natsu gave Gray a smile and that's all he needed.

"Sorry I get you anything," Natsu looked at the floor, "I didn't have time..."

"I don't care, Flame Brain." Gray shrugged. Natsu smiled at him.

Natsu had also photo bombed a picture which was just meant to be Gray (WWhich Gray wasn't too happy about) and it ended up being more realistic, with Natsu hugging Gray from the side and laughing and Gray lauhhing too, then it was before.

These were the good memories.

The sad ones existed because that was when everything had changed. All the S-Class wizards from Fairy Tailhad gathered outside their guild on the street as the sun went down. They apoke about their 'duty' and 'responsibility' as they wipdd back their hair 'til it went all 'sticky-upy', taking little bits of their now cold dinner before weapping it back up in foil and putting it back in their pockets for later on. Natsu had got into an argument with Guildarts about the rights and wrongs of it all. Guildarts had said that everyone here were all too young and shouldn't waste their lices on this and they should also never, and he looked at Natsu for this, break a promise even if they thought they needed to. Natsu and him had never exchanged cross word until that afternoon. It was the day that Mira-Jane, the girl who nobody thought much of, had managed to sell them all without even trying. And it was the day that ended with Lucy sitting on the floor of her room sobving like the end of the world was upon them,

''Come on Lucy," Natsu said, touching her shoulders, " Nothing to cry abot, is there? It'll be over by Christmas and Mira and Erza and me will all be back I time to eat with you."

"And you believe that do you?" Lucy said lookin up, glaring. "You believe what they tell you?!"

"What else should I believe?"

Lucy stood up then," You stupid man! You idiot!" She scowled at him then burst out crying. "Just tell me this: why did ou promise Gray something you knew you couldn't keep?"

"I-"

"Stop, I don't want to know. But what I do know is this: Can you promise me, Natsu Dragneel, that you won't sign up?"

There was along pause before he spoke again. "You heard what Mira said, Lucy. It might be easier on me in the long term if-"

"You are so selfish, Natsu Dragneel. I hate how you're like that. Promise me Dragneel that you won't - for Gray. Not even for me! For Gray please. Promise me, Dragneel."

"All right Lucy. Let's just see what happens. If he wakes up tomorrow morning and changes his mind about thw whole thing then we'd be worrying over nothig." Natsu shrugged and grinned.

Gray wasn't supposed to be outside Lucy's room unless she let him (which she never did) but that night, the night he turned 17, he sat outside - where he knew they would not look - and stared at his feet and listened in. He hadn't intended on sitting there for quite so long - he'd only come there to find Natsu - but their conversation had sounded so serious, he thouht it would be a mistake if he walked away from it. He gave a deep, silent yawn, it had been a long day, after all, as birthdays always are - and closed his eyes for a moment. And before he knew it he was having a dream he was being carried (by someone with a very warming smell) to a comfortable place and the next thing he knew he was opening his eyes again, only to find him in his own bed with the sjn pouring through the window.

After the morning of his 17th birthday, Gray came into the hall to find Lucy in her worst clothes possible (sshe always called them rags) and her hair loosely tied up with two pins. She also wore he same mask of unhappiness as the night before - not her usual Monday morning sadness but a more sorrowful one. When she looked up she didn't even notice him. When she did, she gave him a half hearted smile.

"Gray, master said to let you sleep in his mornig. After all - it was a very big day yesterday for us all."

"Where's Natsu...?" Gray looked around.

"He's gone out."

"Oh, I don't know, do I?" She said, unable to look him in he eye, "Natsu never tells anyone anything."

Which Gray knew wasn't true because he always, after every quest, he'd sit Gray or Lucy or anyone who'd listen down and tell them about everything that had happened. He told them how long it them to get there, how cool he was when he fought anyone and, only to Gray, how boring it was without him. If Gray knew one thing about Natsu, it was that he always told everyone everything.

An hour later, he was sitting at one table by himself while Levi and Lucy spoke quietly.

"I o

don't get it, Lu, I really don't. "

"NNeither do I Levi."

"I mean - nobody here knows much about it - but judging by what everyone was saying yesterday, I think we can all make a good guess,"

"I believe anything that's going on here because it doesn't seem real. Levi - how come the bet fighters here do not get to go?"

"Yeah, I guess S-Class isn't everything."

Before Lucy could answer, the door opened, and to Gray's surprise a man dressed like a soldier marched. He was tall and wore a hat. There was something else about him that seemed familiar to Gray about him. He had pink hair.

It was a S-Class wizard at Fairy Tail.

It was Natsu Dragneel.

And that was when Lucy dropped her food on the floor, put her hands over her eyes and ran out of the room. Natsu looked at Gray and Levi and shrugged.

"I had to," He said finally, "You can see hat, can't you? I had to."

"We're finished. " Levi said p, repeating what Mira had. Puting her food down, she looked out he window, "We're all finished."

And that was everything Gray remembered about turning 17.


	2. Gray, Please

The Strauss' had already been gone for almost two years when Gray stole the recipe for the first cake Lisanna and Natsu ever made. She and Natsu had signed it - Natsu's writing even messier than it was now. ''Messy but cute.'' That's what Gray thought.

They had been at the guild since Gray joined and he classed them as family (as he did with everyone). Lisanna was a couple of years older than him. Elfman was the same age as Natsu but he never lived up to the standards of being a S-Class wizard. Mirajane was their older sister but she didn't leave with them. She left before. With Natsu. Nobody ever mentioned it to him or anyone in the Strauss family at Fairy Tail. Everybody in Fairy Tail acted like it never happened because was so sad about not getting it.

Gray remembered that whenever Lisanna sat with them (Natsu, Erza, Lucy and him), she always brought up 'the cake me and Natsu made when we were kids!'. She said that she still had the recipe for it. Natsu had always awkwardly laughed at this and shook his head.

_''Hey, guys! I remember the day, when me and Natsu were kids, that we baked a cake!"_

_"Was it strawberry?" Erza asked, intently. _

_"Ummm... I'm not too sure. What was it Natsu?" She beamed at him._

_''Um. Oh the cake!" He grinned, "It was chocolate, strawberry, raspberry, banana, fish, ketchup, cherry, blackberry, blueberry, pear, apple and um... oh yeah! Fish." His grin widen as he listed all the flavours of a cake he made when he was five. _

_Lucy them a funny look, "I can't believe Lisanna let you do that!"_

_"Yeah, me too!" He laughed, "She's more like a guardian - a mum to me than a friend." They all laughed except Lisanna. She only managed to crack a smile but Gray's face lit up. She had always had a 'crush' on Natsu (as in she wanted to marry him when they were 6) - like Juvia with Gray. Everybody else knew it was pointless chasing after them because Gray and Natsu obviously had a crush on each other. _

_Happy noticed this on Lisanna and did one of his old-fashioned, 'that's-Happy-for-you', "You looooooove him!" _

_A smile crept across her face, "Yes, and he loves me! We're already going to get married! He said it-"_

_Natsu stared at her, glaring, "__You__ said that when you were 4 or 5! Not me." _

_"I was 6 actually." _

_Natsu up from the table and grabbed Gray's hand - immediately grabbing his wrist instead. _

That was one of the only times Natsu ever lost his temper with Lisanna but he never didn't get cross with her on the inside. It was like a sister-brother friendship. Or mother-son one as Natsu would say.

Lisanna had opened a sweet/cake shop a few years back in honour of the day Natsu and she met. That day everybody pigged out on sweets and cakes and Natsu and Happy loved it.

Gray had just been staring at them all instead of eating. He tried to pick out which one was the one which Lisanna followed the recipe to make.

"Sometimes, Gray," Elfman put a hand on his shoulder, "I think you like looking at food - not eating it!" He laughed a hearty laugh and walked away. Gray grimaced. He picked up a tiny sweet and put it in his mouth.

Later on, Natsu was talking to Mirajane and Gray.

"You're the luckiest person I know!" He said to Mira.

"Why?" She smiled, confused.

"You're sister has a sweet/cake shop!" He closed his eyes and smiled, "That's the best job!"

Mirajane chuckled and shook her head, "I don't think so. You wouldn't want to be a sweet shop owner - it would get so boring."

"How?" He re-opened his eyes and stared at her.

"You don't _eat_ the food, idiot - you sell it." Gray rolled his eyes at Natsu and Mira laughed.

"Then what are you gonna do?" Natsu narrowed his eyes.

"I want to be the Guild Master!"

They told Erza and Lucy over dinner.

"Mirajane Strauss? The Guild Master? Pah." Erza mocked.

"I don't think _that_ would ever happen. Sorry Mira!" Lucy chuckled.

"Oi, I think she'd be good at it!" Natsu glared at them then laughed.

"I guess she wouldn't do that badly," Gray shrugged then added, "But no one can replace Gramps."

They all shook their heads in agreement.

As Gray walked back up to his room that night, he thought of all the jobs he could have. It was never too late but he prefered staying at Fairy Tail and earning money by doing quests. He thought Natsu did too so he wouldn't be quitting to become a sweet shop owner any time soon. Then... what if he did? He seemed pretty hyped about it when he mentioned it... Gray shook his head - Natsu's too loyal for that. He'd never leave us for anything - not even if a group of people left with him. Well he might but he'd come back well under a month. Gray nodded to himself as he walked into his room. He'd never leave. Ever.

The following afternoon, Gray sat on the edge of a river and wondered if he and Natsu would ever be a thing. Lots of people thought he and Juvia were a thing but Juvia was a girl for starters and he was gay. He sighed. Nobody in the guild knew that though - well maybe Erza and Lucy. But he could trust them. The more he thought about it the more he doubted it.

"Natsu's probably straight and even if he wasn't - why would he love me? We're rivals, Gray, get it through your head."

Gray stared at the water. It was purply now, as the sun was going down. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he didn't properly know why. He hadn't cried in... well at least 5 years. He pulled his knees closer to him and put his hand in the water slowly.

A few minutes later, he felt a hand on his shoulder - a warm one. Gray froze.

"Hey, Ice Princess - wassup?" Natsu knelt down beside him on one knee. Natsu noticed he had been crying. Natsu's eyes widened.

"W-what's happened?" He bit his lip.

Gray sighed, looked, then looked back up at Natsu. "I-I don't know... I just..." He trailed off.

Natsu paused for a second then brought him closer to him. He hugged him tightly as Gray's face got redder and redder. "I love you." He whispered.

Even though the last he saw Lisanna and Elfman was only a couple of days before that, he kinda regretted not being there to help them. Afterall, they were his family and he hadn'tn't seen them after that. But nobody really worried about as muc as you would've thought - well Gray didn't anyway. By then, the newspapers were talkig about the war all the time and a lot of the S-Class wizards from his guild and other guilds, including Natsu, were either training 'til they bled or actually fighting already. Most of the wizards in Fiore were too young, or not ready yet for it but back then thwy said they were going to try their hardest as soon as they were old enough. Others were keeping their heads down low and not speaking of it because they didn't want to go.

Even Loke, who wasn't officially in the guild still and spent all his money he earnt on Jellal or girls, had signed up and he was only 19.

''They didn't ask any questions, that's what I heard,'' Lucy looked concernedly at Levy one morning while was playing around with his breakfast - bread and butter. "Then again, those Wizards Saints don't give one about who they sin up - just as long as they get every man who'ss worthy. They'll take any lamb for slaughter." She sighed and hugged Levy.

And then there was Gajeel Redfox. He said that he couldn't care less if anyone died or lived, especially that pink haired Fire Dragon Slayer.

''If I don't wanna go - I won't. I'm staying here." Nothing anyone ever said to him could change his mind - not even Levy asking.

A lot of people got angry at Gajeel for this but at that time they didn't do anything more then shot at him and talk about him behind his back. He didn't give. Anythin he said made Gray angry but he couldn't shot at him or anythig because he wasn't doing a better job than he was at protecting all the magical guilds.

That Febuary, Gray got a letter from Natsu.

_'Hey Gray! _

_Hey er, remember what I said to you? Promised you even? Well even if you don't, I do and I wanted to say that I have keep it so far~ Also I haven't once stopped thinking about you and I miss you. I miss you so much. _

_I love you. _

_Oh and don't you even thinking about joining this war, Gray Fullbuster. I know whar you're like. Just please don't. For me? Can you do this one thing? _

_DON'T_

_JOIN_

_THE_

_WAR_

_And er... are you a S-Class wizard yet? No? Yes? Ah, whatever, I'lll love you whatever,_

_And um... how's Gramps? They said he was too old for this fight hen told me off for laughing. Well they shouted at me then slapped me but anyway. -'_

Gray stared at the word 'GGramps' for a while and tried to stay calm. 'Gramps' had died the year they left. He had been shot in the spine while he slept and Lucy, Levy, Droy and Jet found him drenched in blood on his red stained mattress.

'_\- I know you can't actually talk back to but (please don't laugh at this) I talk to you in my head, I hate it without you. It feels lonely. But at leastyou're safe and that's what matters. _

_Oh shit here comes our leader!_

_Talk to you later!(Later this year)_

_\- Natsu (Flame-Brain) '_

Gray had taken the recipe later that day. He wanted to see Natsu'sNatsu's name written at the bottom of it. He wouldn't call it stealing because Lisanna didn't need it anymore anyway.

When he left it, and the letter from Natsu, were the only thigs he took with him.


	3. Send Me Away With Hope

They said it would over by Christmas, but four Christmases had gone by and the burel war had shown no sign of ending. Gray was 21 now, and six mornings a week he would be shaken awake but Lucy or Levy before they got to work. The men couldn't work because they 'hhad to train for when they joined the army'. Everyone thought it pointless because they wouldn't take anymore people, but the job owners never let any men work for them. Lots of men had protested but it did no use. A law is a law.

"Gray," One of them would say, their face pale and tired from the sleepless day before, "Gray, wake up it's six o'clock."

He groaned and rolled over, not really taking into account that a war was going on and he needed to be up and ready so the girls could earn some money for their guild. He pulled up his duvet so his feet stuck out the other end. He didn't want this to happen but if he wanted warmth for his head, it had to be done. He had told them that when he got some money, he'd get something for everybody - including a blanket for himself. Canna had laughed at that and Gray felt ashamed.

''A man? Earning _money_? Pah!" She laughed, "Like to see ya try!"

''I feel bad but... Canna right. We're the men around here who earn money to make a living." Levy added. All the girls laughed at this too.

He'd had a dream where Natsu and the others came back. They were all unharmed and everything went back to normal and he was just about to share a kiss with Natsu when there was an earthquake. Luckily, it was just Lucy waking him up.

''Gray, you know I don't have time for this," She sighed, yanking the covers back, "I can't leave the house until you get up, out of bed!''

Her voice had changed a bit too, like her personality. She and Erza had been very close before she left and now Lucy was leanong towards the Erza side of things, Gray didn't think she meant to but it just happened. Like Gray talking to Natsu in his head and Natsu doing the same. She hardly ever joked around anymore and her voice was unforgiving. She found fighting stupid and unreasonable, a bit less like Erza but for her sake. She never spoke to him reassuringly anymore so he had to think like Natsu or at least think about what Natsu would say to him. All of the guild members left behind thought that Lucy would be the one to tell them everything's going to be fine and that she would be the one to keep talking about their fighters. But she mentioned them less and less as the years went on. She hardly ever reassured anyone anymore, not just Gray. She burst into flames at random points and shouted at everyone for no reason, then she would look as if she'd want to cry for loosing her temper.

''Gray please," she said, pulling the sheets off the bed to make her point. ''You have to get up. Can't you do this one thing for me? Just one?" She stared at him coldly, like Erza used to do.

He didn't have any choice.

Gray rolled his eyes and sat up, scratching his head. Only when he had stood up - away from the bed - did Lucy nod, satisfied.

''Finally,'' She rolled her eyes and put a hand on his shoulder, "Really, Gray, I don't know why we have to go through this shit everyday. You're three years into being an adult now - a little help is all I ask. Geez. I made your breakfast. Well Levy did. It looks quite nice actually, you'll like it. Anyway, I'll be back around four and Levy will be back at two. We can cook dinner seeings as you cooked it last night," And the night before, in fact, he always cooked it but Gray didn't mention it. " What do you want,"

Gray paused for a second before saying, " I don't, I won't have any."

"ARE YOU SAYING MY COOKING'S BAD?!"

"No, I'm just saying I don't want any." He shrugged.

"Well, Levy is just about to go so I need to too,'' she looked around the room for a second, '' Yeah, just er... get dressed." she turned and walked downstairs, swiftly.

Gray sighed as he watched Lucy go downstairs. He thought for a moment - deciding on what to do now. He looked down at himself. He was wearing his boxers but everybody (especially Lucy) took that as a sign that he was going to run butt-naked down the streets. He hesitated before deciding that he was going to leave t for now and get dressed later. He sat down on his bed. Turning to look at he window, Gray noticed something again. It was the picture of Natsu, framed, which Lisanna gave to him the day Natsu left. He picked it up and stared at it for a momen. Closing his eyes, he pulled it closer to him - hugging it to his chest.

''I love you Natsu,'' he whispered.

''Oi stripper!" Natsu ran over to him and tackled him to the ground.

''What did you want, Flame-brain," He asked, nonchalantly.

Natsu laughed and hugged Gray, " Nah, I was just bored!" He grinned at him.

"Ugh."

Gray felt the sleep returning.

"Gray!" Lucy was towering over him.

Gray jumped, opened his eyes and stared in disbelief at Lucy.

'' Gray! You fell asleep, I told you to get up." She rolled her eyes and yanked him up.

After Lucy and Levy left for work, Gray went downstairs, ran outside and stretched. There was a light morning drizzle and a quiet murmurs from the guild but apart from that, there was silence. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the sky. It was a grey sky and the sun hid behind loomin clouds waiting to be found. Gray sometimes wondered if it would would be nice to be able to hide where no one would ever find you, whenever you wanted. Then again, it wouldn't be when you wanted, it would be when you got told. Gray sighed a deep, unworthy sigh and turned around and walked back in.

It was freezing inside, and the floor creaked as he walked in but apart from that, everything was how it was before the war. The guild hadn't hanged - only the people. He sat down at his table alone and imagined the time when he would sit here with Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Levy and Juvia. Even though he didn't particularly like Juvia, he still classed her as family and he missed her. He missed everybody - even the ones that were still alive. Every body used to fit in the guild like bricks in a house, when one went missing, everyone was worried and he house collapsed. They didn't anymore though, they were all excepting to die or someone they loved to die so they didn't give a shit. Natsu Always used to lighten everyone's mood and without him, not many people enjoyed life. Gray closed his eyes and fought back tears. He thought maybe if he did, when he reopened them, everyone would be back and this was all just a nightmare dressed like a daydream. In a way it felt as if nothing had changed, except he was crying, sitting alone on his once filled table and awake at 6:00am.

He opened his eyes again to find breakfast in front of him. It smelled like Levy's cooking. When did it get here? Or was it here when Gray sat down but he just didn't notice it? Which ever way, he was hungry and Lucy got angry when he didn't eat his breakfast.

"It's a waste! A damn waste!"

He smelled the toast again. Was that jam on it? It had been months since he'd tasted jam! Levy must have made it on her day off when Canna took her shift. He picked the toast up carefully and put it to his lips. Blueberry. His favourite. He took a small bit out of it and smiled. She must have made it from the fruits they grew in the Guild's Gardens. They didn't grow much, but the things they did grow - if they were cooked/picked/ripened properly - tasted amazing. Gray thought it probably wouldn't have tasted as nice before the war began but now, as they had fresh fruit about once a month if they was lucky, it was treasured like gold. Gray wondered if Levy made a lot so all the girls - sorry women (as Lucy always corrected him) - could have some. Apparently not. In the kitchen there was none and she couldn't have taken it to work otherwise she'd be told off, or worse, fired. She didn't keep any.

They left it all for him.

Gray felt honoured and unworthy at the same time. He had eaten it all without even thinking about if they had eaten any or not - idiot. Gray put his face in hands and stared at darkness as it smothered him. He liked it like this but all too soon he had to open his eyes to the daylight once more. He stood up and swiftly walked over to the Great Fire Place of Fairy Tail (Natsu had come up _that_ name a while back). He threw a few sticks on top of the still red embers inside. It was his job to light the fire again today, to fetch the sticks and watch it for a while. He didn't mind doing this job. In fact, he loved it - watching the fire, feeling it's warmth. At first, Gray didn't know why until he realised it was because Natsu had shared the same warmth as it before he left. Gray thought of it as '_before he left_' because he wasn't sure if he still had that fire glowing in him, yet he still always tried to persuade himself that he did.

Natsu was always lively and always had a fire burning inside of him and _always_ kept everyone upbeat and happy. He wondered most times if that's what he did in the war - keep his team mates happy. He probably did - he most likely was the one who started this '_Oh, it'll all be over by Christmas_' shit. Gray loved the smell of Christmas because always there somewhere was the smell of Natsu.

"Hey Snowflake! I got the fire going again!"

"Ugh, trust you to, Flame Brain."

"Pft, don't tell you didn't want it going!"

"I didn't want it going."

"Haha! You're just sayin' that 'cause I said don't."

"No, I'm an Ice Make Mage, idiot."

Gray sighed, he did appreciate the fire Natsu made then, but he forced himself to believe he didn't. After all, Natsu was his full on rival back then and he was an Ice Make Mage. That was Natsu's 13th Christmas and Gray's 9th. There was a bit of an age difference then but Gray could still try fight as well as Natsu did. A couple of years before the war, Natsu had said:

"You fight better than Romeo at his age - and he learns a lot from his dad!"

Gray had laughed that at the time, thinking he knew Natsu wasn't serious but as they grew older, he came to believe what Natsu said as what Natsu thought.

Gray smiled to himself as he watched the burning fire slowly die down, and threw a few more sticks on.

Gildarts didn't get the sticks anymore. He'd left for the war a week after Natsu, Erza and Mirajane did, and had been killed a few months later. Gray had written down where he'd died and the hour he died, just to keep a close eye out for that place in the paper later on - Natsu or Erza might die there too if they're not careful. Then the sticks would be found by Mira's sister, Lisanna and _then,_ after she left, Happy did, seeings as he was pretty close to Gildarts because Natsu was. Lisanna had done it with Elfman for a few weeks, then said that she could do it on her own and had been captured and forced to tell the opposite side her history and that was what go them taken away. Sometimes Gray thought what Mira would feel like when they won the war (if they won the war) and she came back and they were both gone. It would be even more of a pain then it was before with Lisanna. Gray tried not think about before. Natsu had cried then.

Thinking about Lisanna made him think of that horrible Sunday when the news reached them that Gildarts was dead about a year ago, As it was a Sunday, Lucy, Levy and Gray had all been there when there was a knock on the guguild's door. Levy, who been making lunch for the three, looked up in surprise, ran a hand through her hair and left a trail of sauce behind it. They hardly ever had anyone knock at their guild's door. Everybody in their guild had their own key and you weren't allowed to go to some one else's guild. They would only be allowed to knock if their Guild Master had an emergency and then they had to do a special knock: _rat-a-tat-tat. _

"Who do you think it is Lu?" Levy asked, concerned.

" I'm not too sure..." she replied, worried.

The girls looked at each other and both walked to the door. Gray followed them, and, after a moment, watched Lucy reach and open the door.

There were two men standing outside, both wearing uniforms with embroidery on them. One was quite young with a bristling moustache that was ginger. The other was older, hair going grey at the top, who had a cigarette in his mouth. Thd oldr man's hair stuck out in all directions while the other's staydd perfectly in place. The younger one was quite short and the older noticeably taller than average height. All in all, they made quite a silly pair.

"Don't, " Levy spoke for Gray'ss sake and also Lucy's.

" _Don't," _Lucy repeated Levy's word, glancing for a second at Gray.

"Ms Clive?" The younger man questioned, as the older looked bhind the three at the other members of the guild amd bit his lip.

" W-what..?" Levy replied, surprised at being adressed by the wrong name. Gray turned to look behind him as well now, and saw the whole guild silent - no spoke, no one moved. They all stared at the door. Happy, who had been with Carla, Pantherlily and Wendy let the first few tears roll down his cheeks.

"Ms Clive, I am Sergeant Punkai," Stated the older man this time. " This is my Lieutenant. May we come in for a moment?"

Lucy took one glance behind her at Happy and Canna and firmly stated, "No."

"Ms Clive, please," He said in a thoughtful tone, a cery tired one too. "If we could come in and -"

"You've got the wrong women," Lucy cut him off. Words caught in the throat and leant on Levy to steady herself. "Oh my God, you've got the wrong house!" A very slight smile made it'ss way onto her face as she looked at Gray. "HHow can you that? Neither Levy or me are or look that old!"

The younger man stared at her for a moment; then his expression changed to one of utter dismay as Lucy sassed him. He shook his head slowly.

"I'm very sorry, ma'am, we, er, I , didn't mean to upset you."

''Hmph." She folded her arms.

When the men had finished speaking to Canna and Happy, they left without a trace. Gray walked over to Happy and knelt down, eye level to him.

''Don't worry about it Happy," He paused for a second, thinkig what Natsu would say, "What is the use of worrying anyway? Just smile - she-" He quickly corrected himself, "He'd want you to be happy, wouldn't he?" He could hear it in Natsu's voice perfectly, it was what Natsu had said to him once. Happy blinked, he had heard Natdu say it to Gray before but, as they were rivals to Happy, he didn't think Gray would remember it word for word. He smiled broadly and Wendy went and picked him up. Gray smiled in his head and got back up to his feet. He searched for Luct and found her and Levy kneeling down around Canna. He grimaced.

" Just smile, Canna, please -"

" I'm sure Gildarts would want you to-"

" Actually, we know he'd want you to-"

" So please?"

They kept cutting each other off in a friendly manner to beg Canna to. Canna, like most of the other people, rarely smiled now - after the war had began. It seemed as if smiling was a crime, as being happy. Positivity seemed to have a 100 mile radius to from it. In fact, the only way Gray kept was by thinking of Natsu and even that brought tears sometimes.

He adverted his eyes from the space around the girls and walked back over to the fireplace. Right now that, and his room, were his favourite places to be. The fireplace obviously smelt of fire (tthe same as Natsu) and his room had a picture of Natsu (along with the recipe).

Gray still wasn't aure of he classed Lucy or Levy as his 'best-friends-love-you-so-much-omg-besties' but he liked a bit at least; he just missed Natsu too much. Before the war had started, they would do everythig together - go everywhere together. But now... he could only remember those memories, not make new ones.

Suddenly, a newspaper got flung at him. He trned to see its thrower was Canna. He looked at the date - today. It was today's paper, the one with Gildarts' number on the death side. He picked it up and turned to the page with the numbers. The numvers of deaths in his side. The number of deaths of their's. The number of wounded. The number of missing in action. But there was only one number he actually cared about: 11,118. Natsu's number. The number they assigned him with the day they took him away to fight. He ran his finger qlog he list.

'11,119'

'11,145'

'12,987'

'11,117'

Gray breathed a sigh of relief as he put down the paper and continued to watch the fire. It wasn't very bright but it would do. Jet and Droy gae him weird looks as he sa there.

"What the Hell's am Ice Make Mage doing next to a fire?" Droy whispered.

"I dunno. It is his day to light it and keep an eye on it but really, he doesn't need to sit right next to it all the time." Jet replied.

"I think maybe-"

"Would you guys stop questioning it already. He obviously likes Natsu - he's Fire Dragon Slayer - duh." Juvia looked down at them. She looked cold - as if she'd been crying over something then stared at ice. Jet and Droy looked at each other then burst out laughing.

Gray cringed as he listened and then thanked Juvia in his head. She was his friend after all. He sighed and put the newspaper page by page in the fire. He needed it burning as bright as he could make it. He looked down at the floor. There were bits of ashes and dirt on the floor. He cursed silently as it kmew it was his job to clean around it too. He picked up the brush that was leaning on the fireplace and started sweeping. Bits of it got in his eyes but he didn't mind.

"We all have to pitch in a bit," Mirajane used to say, "I would do it if I had time myself!" Then she would laugh, looking at all the boys faces as she told them to clean.

Gray hated cleaning but he hated mess as well (most of the time) so he did for the fighters' sake. As he was cleaning, he thougt about how many fighters from Fairy Tail they had left...

... Natsu...

... Erza...

... Mirajane...

...And, er, that was it. They had only sent for away and had prayed that four would come. But the most that could back was three now and they all hoped that three would make it.

About half an hour later, Gray walked back upstairs to the bathroom. They were very limited on how many people could have a shower or bath and how many times and how long they took. Lisanna, before she got taken away, had made a timetable for eveyday lf the week on which people could have a bath on which days. It was Gray chance to have one now, so he took it without really thinking.

After his freakishly short bath, he went into his room. He hardly had anything in it anymore but he treasured what he did. Gray ran over to his bed and looked under it. Under a box was a piece of paper - the recipe. He got it out and stared at it. Feeling like crying, Gray lay down on his bed and kept re-rre-reading it. It was fun, kinda, thinking of a little Natsu shoutin and writing down everyhing he messily put into a huge mixing bowl.

He smiled.


	4. Gray, That's All I Ask

The recipe was written half messily and half neatly on toren, brown, stained paper. Gray suspected that the stains were Natsu's fault - him shoving different food shit in the mixing bowl was an obvious memory of Natsu's and most likely Lisanna's. The black pen they used started to run out in the middle, so Lisanna supposed got a new pen, a pink, glittery one. As Gray was skimming down the recipe, he noticed something he hadn't before - a 'pto'. Gray carefully turned over the paper and at he back was an SD card. Gray's eyes widened as joy overwhelmed him. He grinned.

He ran over to his computer and shoved the card in. He waited patiently for it to load.

'Fatal System Error (001001110010)

System will shut down'

All joy he once had left him. He sigh sharply and watched he system shut down. Taking the SD Card out of the computer, he turned back to he recipe. He still had his memories of Natsu.

A few days after agreeing to fight, Natsu had taken Gray out. They had been walking around what seemed like forever, and were about to go home (what Gray suggested), when they finally reached Onibus. Natsu had said hat reason he had taken Gray out was to fight him 'some place with a crowd so they can see you loose to me!' But Gray knew the real reason - Natsu had pretended not to know Gray's birthday but it seemed as if he did. He had given a load of shit and had been kinda nice to him.

" Hey, Frosty, wanna race over there?" Natsu joked tugging at his rival's arm.

" As if, you'll just cheat or something."

" How could I cheat?"

" I dunno, but I'm pretty sure that you'll find a way - you always do."

Natsu laughed at this and grabbed Gray's hand, running down the road.

" Wha-" Gray started.

Natsu suddenly stopped round a corner. They were alone apart from the silent cries of the unwanted.

" Natsu, what-" he stopped. Their eyes met. Blue met green. The green smiled at the blue and told him something he'd never forget. Gray blinked and laughed awkwardly. "S-Sorry..." he stuttered.

Natsu stared at him and Gray felt his face turned bright red. The pink-haired man leant closer and closer and Gray's face got redder and redder until...

...their lips met.

Without warning, Gray got pulled into an embrace with the Fire-Dragon Slayer. After a few moments, Gray kissed him back. For the first time, ice finally met fire properly. They melted into each other like they'd been lovers forever. Gray felt the warmt of Natsu's heart beat into him. For the first time in forever, he felt as if he was safe, relaxed.

" Happy birthday, " Natsu breathed before kissing him in that same passionate way again.

Gray shook his head and flopped on his back on the bed again. What if when Natsu came back again, he didn't love him anymore? Or what if he didn't mean that in the first place? What if he was just saying that...? Gray thought and questioned that until his mind felt like it had broken. He lay there, on his front, sobbing loudly onto the pillow.

A few hours later, Lucy came in. She silently walked over and placed a gentle hand on his back.

Natsu put a warm, loving hand on Gray's shoulder.

" Oh, Gray... please don't cry. We all have to try and stay positive - he'd want that, promise."

" Gray... please don't cry - I hate you see you cry or upset. You have to try and stay positive, I'll help ya, just please don't cry. She was hate that and she wants to see your precious smile, (who wouldn't?), promise."

Gray buried his head in the pillow further.

Gray looked up.

" Oh, Gray, please. I know he isn't here right now - but he soon will be. He promised you, didn't he?" Lucy patted his back carefully.

Natsu grinned and pulled Gray in for a hug. "Thanks Gray."

Gray heard Lucy start to cry. He sat bolt upright up and... without really thinking - hugged her. In his head, he knew it was Lucy but, in his heart, he wished it was Natsu. He tried to stop himself from crying but it was no use. They cried to each other over Natsu and Erza for about an hour before Levy came up.

Gray immediately stopped crying as Lucy looked up with tear stained eyes. Levy looked at them both and hugged Lucy tightly,

" Don't cry, Lu-chan," Lucy turned to Gray and gasped quickly, " Or you either, Gray-chan." She gave them a big half-fake, half-real smile and hugged them both. It was only Gray who didn't hug back - he was too busy thinking of someone - something more like...

Natsu spun around, " Where the fuck are, Frosty?" He heard Gray's laugh. He glared at the empty space in front of him. The bushes rustled. Natsu glanced in their direction for a split second.

" Awe, the Dragon Slayer can't, not to mention: the one who taught by Igneel, can't find a mere Ice Make Mage - how cute~" Natsu bit his tongue, trying not say someone he shouldn't - something that would show his 'weakness'. Gray waited a few motionless minutes before adding, " I'm over here~"

Natsu bolted in the opposite direction to where he voice came from and became face to face with Gray, Gray's face bright red.

" I, er..." He mumbled.

" Awe, the Ice Make Mage can't find the right words to say - how cute~" Natsu mimicked, " Don't say anything at all~" he whispered. Then, without warning, he leaned in and kissed Gray roughly. After, he proceeded to do certain things to he black-haired man.

Gray jumped suddenly, making the girls do too.

" What's the matter, Gray?" They asked in unison.

" I, er... I don't..." he started then trailed off.

The girls giggled and both walked back to the hall. Gray sighed deeply and plopped himself on his bed. He knew he'd never speak of this to Natsu ever again, when the war ended.

If that day ever came.

Shortly after this, Lucy came home with a very troubled expression on her face, saying that she had something important to to tell him. She sat him down on her bed and gently lay down next to him. Gray leant towards her slight, pulling his knees up to his chin.  
'Gray,' she said, staring purposefully at the ceiling.

There was a long, and somewhat awkward, pause where Gray probably should have said something but he didn't; he decided he wouldn't until Lucy did. He was scared. He was terrified of what she going to tell him and could already feel the tears forming at the back of his eyes. 'I've something to tell you.'

'Is it good news?' he spoke. even though he already knew the answer.  
'Well... it's not bad news,' she replied, suddenly changing most of what he thought before. 'It's just... news - information, that's all.'

'Is it about Natsu?' The blonde sat up now and looked at him. Their eyes met. It had been almost five years since Natsu Dragneel had set foot in Fairy Tail, Lucy ran out of the hall in floods of tears and Levy predicted their future, which seemed all too real now.

Twirling her hair, she said, 'No. No it's not about him,' she shook her head, 'Gray, we've talked about this before: Natsu isn't the only soldier in this damned war - _they are other people_! **_NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT HIM_**.' the wizard coughed violently and apologised softly.

_Natsu's dead, _thought Gray.

'Just... think about other people... okay?' continued Lucy, putting a hand on his shoulder. 'Think about what it will be like when the others come home.. too.'

_Natsu's dead. _He closed his eyes, letting his hair cover most of his face. Lucy saying that in his head sounded all too real. It echoed and bounced off every 'wall' in his mind. Glancing up at her, he realised she was still speaking but he couldn't hear her. All he could hear was her telling him that - telling him something he knew all too well.

Lucy saw the tears drop to the floor.

'Gray stop it!' she cried, suddenly dragging him back into reality. 'What's wrong with you anyway? Why weren't you listening?'

Gray swallowed hard, pushing the words back and back.

'I was thinking of... _something_. '

'Which is..?' She motioned for him to tell her.

'...Natsu.' he whispered.

Sighing, Lucy turned his face to her's. 'Gray, if you want to talk about him... we... can. Is that what you want to do? Now? _At this time_?'

'Tell me what actually happened. Tell me what you know. Please.'

'I've already told you the truth.'

'I'm not 17 still, Lucy,' he pleaded, 'I... I need to know. He would've wanted to know. Tell me.'

Lucy hesitated; for a second it looked as if she actually was going to tell him, but then the sound of Wendy and Romeo running by the door, giggling, trying to be happy pulled them both away from where they were and Gray knew there was no point asking again.

'What's your news then?' he asked, bluntly.

Lucy rubbed her eyes. 'Really Gray?' she spoke with a sigh. 'I don't think I can be bothered now.'

He raised an eyebrow, as if to say he insisted.

'I've got a new job as such - a promotion.' she said, rolling back her shoulders. 'At the hospital. I'm a nurse now - an actual one - a one for the soldiers.'

'What do you do then?' he asked but he didn't really care about the answer.

'There are so many wizards coming back with horrible front injuries,' answered Lucy, 'And they need more nurses to look after them. We all have to d our bit and I have to do mine. You know that, Gray, right? Good. I think I'm really good at it as well; they do too! I was thinking about Natsu and-' she paused, shook her head and quickly changed her trail of thought, 'I can be of use - even more use. You understand that. Besides, the more people who are helping, the quickier this crappy war will come to an end.'

Something inside Gray snapped at those words.

'This 'crappy' war won't end! It won't ever end! Why can't you see it!? Lucy - we will all die like this. Like Natsu did - MURDERED. AND WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT. So don't sugar coat this shit to make me feel better because it won't, alright?! It won't.'

The blonde swallowed. 'Yes. It Will. And he isn't dead! I never said he was dead and he isn't! Gray - listen to me, okay?! I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR ONCE. LISTEN.' she pulled in a deep breath. ' I've been offered 12 weeks training for it, so there'll be a few changes around here. You're going to have start waking yourself up, for one. Make yourself breakfast - that stuff. Not much but make sure it happens. Anyway, Levy's still here so you can go to her if you need to.'

Gray thought about it. Lucy had been telling him all this as if he was three. He couldn't care less if he had to do more 'stuff' than usual.


	5. Author's Notes

**I just wanted to say that I can't actually believe that people actually took time to read this piece of crap and I wanted to say a huge thank you to those who did. I literally just read the reviews and I wanted to apologise to a certain someone for not reuniting Natsu and Gray and that ship once again. I need to stop. But thank soso much - I am so happy right now I can't even eeeeeeee~~~~~~ **

**~Clover**

**EDIT: 12:15 Same night**

**Just to clarify, 'when Gray left' means he killed himself, holding the recipe and Natsu's in his hands. Yeah. I only write sad stories.**

**EDIT: 1:17am 6/4**

**I'M SORRY ALRIGHT XDD I have read the new reviews and shit and teah - I'M SORRY GRAY DIED - IT HAD TO BE DONE ;-; If you ship Gratsu to thd moon and back then you'll realise how if one person dies from it, the other does too! (Well that's what happens in my stories. Nightie and thank youuuu~~~~**

**~Clover**


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